Hints for writers

A new little series on how to please me, the reader.

Here are some lines from a lovely My Fair Lady song:

Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
Here it is rewritten by 8/10 modern authors:

Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now;
Like exhaling and inhaling.
Exhaling and inhaling begone! (unless you’re describing someone smoking). Most of us breathe in and out, like Professor Higgins.