‘Dorset’s Summer of Fun’!

Headline in the free paid for by my council tax newsletter in my postbox today.

No Olympic page brightener here for copyright reasons

I read this while eating supper, looking occasionally through the window at the rain, which has been falling steadily since I got up before six this morning. Londoners and people at points north may not realise that Dorset is an Olympic venue; the sailing events are to be held at Weymouth. Already, our town has been almost cut off for months by road ‘improvements’ which, as one correspondent to the local free mag put it, ‘will cut seven minutes off the journey time of Lord Coe and his chums’ swanning down from that Lunnon. While the games are on, you may as well stay at home.

‘The A31, A35 and A354 will be travel hotspots.’
Great. I won’t be able to go anywhere.
‘Use public transport.’
Where I live, in a hamlet, there is no public transport.
‘Walk or cycle.’
You’re joking, right?
‘avoid the busiest times’
Travel between 12pm and 6pm. Handy for getting to work, eh?

There will of course be huge economic and cultural (cultural?) benefits for Dorset.
Especially for hotel and boarding house owners and those with expensive, rentable homes in Weymouth.
Welcome to Dorset!
And watch out for trading standards officials ready to pounce on any unofficial Games merchandise. No mercy will be shown.
Don’t give thieves the opportunity!
It’s well known that all furriners (i.e. people from outside Dorset) are thieves looking to break into your home or nick things from your car.
Business as usual for Police!
Unless they’re patrolling fifty square miles of water or on duty at the thieves’ gathering at the Great Dorset Steam Fair. You are advised not to require police assistance for the duration of the Games.
Health services to operate as normal.
If the ambulance can get through the traffic.
Have a good first aid kit and collect your repeat prescriptions in good time.
Look, just don't get ill, OK?

Such fun!
Apologies to everyone who’s looking forward to the Games.